CBS man publishes collection of language gaffes

By Mark Squibb

A North American walks into a Brazilian bakery and, owing to his misunderstanding of Portuguese grammar, accidentally orders a penis instead of a loaf of bread.

That is just one of many true stories recounted by Greg Whalen of CBS in ‘Say What? Language Misadventures.’

“I was making these mistakes myself and hearing about other people making these mistakes and I thought to myself, ‘Someone should make a book of these,’” said Whelan.

Whelan decided that that someone would be him.

“I was writing a story now and then and sort of mulling it over, but I had figured that someone else had already done it,” said Whelan. “But then a friend said, ‘Somone might have done it, but they didn’t do it the way you’re going to do it.’”

Some of the stories are his own, from his years living abroad in Australia and Brazil and travelling elsewhere. Some are stories shared by friends, and others are stories shared by those he has met along the way.

“It’s a book about funny and embarrassing situations caused by saying the wrong thing, usually in another language,” said Whelan. “It’s saying something inappropriate, unintentionally.”

Whelan admits that much of the humour is juvenile.

“A lot of it is genitals,” said Whelan. “A lot of it is sexual.”

Keeping that in mind, Whelan said the book is intended for more mature audiences.

“It’s not a children’s book,” he warned.

Whelan is fluent in English and Portuguese, and ‘functional’ in Spanish, and boasts the ability to say the wrong thing in all three languages.

He said that when learning a new language, you need a sense of humour.

“You’ve got to laugh at yourself,” said Whelen. “If you’re afraid of screwing up, you won’t learn.”

While embarrassment over saying the wrong thing may be a barrier for some people when it comes to learning a new language or trying to talk to another person in their mother tongue, Whelen said being able to laugh at mistakes can be an ice breaker.

“You don’t want to offend someone, but usually, after the initial shock and after you figure out the mistake, people are usually pretty good,” said Whelan. “It’s awkward, but you have a laugh, and you move on.”

Whelan sent the book off to a local publisher, but following rejection, decided to self-publish.

“Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get accepted by a local publisher,” said Whelan to would-be writers. “In my opinion, readers are the ones who are going to decide if it’s worth reading or not.”

He said a number of friends and family helped along with the way with proofreading and artwork.

Whelan said that publishing the book was very satisfactory.

“A few people have said that they’ve not just found it funny, but that they’ve needed humour to get through a hard time,” said Whelan. “And that’s worth more than money, to hear that you’ve had that impact.”

The book can be purchased at a number of local bookstores and Chapters and Coles in St. John’s.

Whelan will also be making a number of appearances promoting the book in the coming months. He’ll be at the CBS library on October 19, Holyrood library on October 30, and the Kenmount Road Chapters on November 23.

Whelan said he has more stories set aside for a future book and is always looking for more stories to tell.